Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Social vindication, self-gratification and the definition of a Nerd.
New topic. Today I turned in a short story for my creative writing class. I spent all day yesterday working on said story as I decided on Monday that I did not like the story I had written and had to come up with a better idea. It was an interesting experience. I sat on Karina's papasan chair in the living room with snacks at my side and my computer on my lap and typed for eight hours, with a few brief intermissions for bathroom breaks and phone calls to my mom. At the end of the day, I had fallen in love with a completely alien story. It didn't really feel like I had written it, but I had. There were still some kinks that needed to be straightened out (ironed, if you will), but it was good. When I arrived in class and we all arranged our desks into a large circle, I had the feeling that I would be asked to read for the class workshop session. It didn't bother me until it happened. I was the first to be asked. At that moment I was seized with the fear of failure. I was sure he was going to stop me after every sentence and tell me how I needed to change it and it terrified me. This was my baby! I started reading and I felt my face glow red hot. My heart was beating faster than I could count and hard enough to escape my rib cage completely. I couldn't breathe correctly and I had to clear my throat and wet my lips. I'm being a bit melodramatic, but it was an intense feeling. Only, he didn't stop me after every sentence, or even after every paragraph. I went on to the second or third page before he stopped me with a question about a particular sentence structure that turned out to be correct. Then he started asking me why I set it in England and what was going to happen in the end and everyone wanted to hear what happened next. He liked it! They liked it! I had a girl come up to me after class and ask to read the rest of it, saying that she had really enjoyed it. Ha! Can you believe it?! I was so excited, I couldn't stand it! I know it sounds ridiculously self-gratifying (hence the title), but it was great!
Last one. I don't know if you've noticed (see above paragraph), but I am a complete English nerd. I love it! I love the boundless possibilities presented by the knowledge that the more you understand about the rules, the more masterfully you can use them or break them in half and throw them into the sea. I love the myriad of successful and not-so-successful authors, past and present, who have demonstrated those possibilities. It's a beautiful world, the world of literature and literary history and creative writing - *sigh*. I say, I am an English nerd. This is very important because I am not an English geek. There is a very big difference. A nerd is one who is passionate about their subject of learning, or about learning in general, who can often be socially awkward or clumsy, but who is always aware of social contexts and decorum and therefore remains socially adept and acceptable. That's me. A geek is one whose passion for learning often turns into an obsession; they often have a great cerebral capacity to store information and like to share random facts, often completely out of context. Geeks generally seem to be in their own little world, and have little understanding or respect for social boundaries. I explained the first half of this theory, the definition of a Nerd, to my brother the other day. His reaction and the fact that I have not only spent the time and effort to come up with this but also blogged about it culminate in the establishment of the fact that I am a self-proclaimed nerd. Thank you, one and all.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
On Halloween Night Things go Bump in the Night
Also, I would be remiss if I didn't bring to your attention that alias Andrew Bingley, mentioned in a previous post, did in fact accept the invitation to join us at the party and again to accompany us to our apartment to watch a movie. ;P Oh, the fates!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Let the Wild Rumpus Start!
PS: Bet you can't guess which character I relate to the most :P
Sweet Validation
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Words, words, words
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
"I Could Have Danced All Night ..."
Tonight, this fateful 28th of October, my dear Madelane and I attended the Social Dance Lab in the Ballroom of the Wilk. What a night! The dance floor was shaking with cha-cha and fox trot, waltz and swing. The music was classy. The men were far too few ... *sigh.* Alas, much of my time was spent awkwardly swaying to the music and either making conversation with other ladies off the floor, or stalking the outskirts scouting for someone that wasn't already flirting with another girl or stuffing his face with food (with little success). Also, the soul of my right character shoe decided that it no longer wanted to be attached to the rest of the shoe, forcing me to wrap it in scotch tape, since we had no stronger adhesive readily available, and hope for the best. It was a little slippery, but I survived. As has become the routine, I had a fun time despite the ever-present awkwardness.
Maddie, on the other hand, seems to have done it again. Exhibit A: Alias James Darcy. Approximately 6'1." Returned missionary. Junior at BYU. Aspires to be an eye surgeon, giving sight to the blind, or something like that. This relatively good-looking young man is in our dance class, but is generally not very talkative in said class. Tonight, however, he was very willing to chat with Maddie. They talked for a good 5-10 minutes after dancing together. Up-dates to follow. Exhibit B: Alias Andrew Bingley. Approximately 6.' Freshman at BYU. Affectionately called "Pre-mi." Computer Science major, aspiring to work for the CIA, and a big fan of the white power ranger, as he announced to the floor at the end of the function. He stuck around with us for a good 45 minutes toward the end, after coming in and out of our company for the entirety of the dance. Despite his youth and over-enthusiasm, Allan is a very appealing young man, and very funny. They were hitting it off so well that I ended up giving him a ride to his car, which he had parked at the Marriot Building, not realizing that nearly all parking on campus opens up to students and the public after 7 PM. Oh, yes. Maddie has found yet another Freshman lover. Once more, up-dates to follow. Exhibit C: Alias Tyler Knightly. Approximately 6'1." Information systems major from Utah who is in our ward. Excellent dancer and another very attractive young man. Most of the time, he is surrounded by girls. But, there was a shining, glimmering moment of time when he was in between partners and about to head for the refreshment table and when Maddie was conveniently positioned about three feet to the left and back from where he was standing. Yet, after all of the success of the evening, she shied away and let him walk over to the table and become enveloped once more in a semi-circle of flirtatious females. Ah, well, there's always nest Sunday ...
Confessions of an Unwilling Romantic
To Live
I do not know what it is that supersedes rational thought
when the mind meddles in matters of the heart,
why we conjure up images of charming princes and perfect gentlemen
to give us their hearts, neatly wrapped, in a shower of flattering words.
It is an acute torture of both mind and heart
when out of these sweet dreams we are confronted
with the sticky remnants of the ice cream tub and the blur of the television.
This is the pathetic state of impotence to which we drive ourselves.
But stop. This is not love; this is not even life.
To live is to forget what you long for,
to drink in the joy of the mundane and to glory in the unremarkable
adventures that wait for you in each minute of each hour of your life.
There are no charming princes on gleaming white horses. There are only
remarkable people who live remarkable lives under unremarkable circumstances.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Disclaimer
The Return of the Prodigal Blogger: Meditations on the life of a non-poet
Too Small
While my big brother
plays basketball with
his friends, I sit on the edge
of the lawn, watching
Wondering
Will I ever be Big enough?
Big enough to keep the steady rhythm
of the game, running
panting springing, pouncing –
Into the net. Swish, din, pat pat pat, shh.
Big enough to break away
from the force of gravity,
leap into the air, spinning
like a dance.
Big enough to feel the slap
of my brother’s hand on my back,
to laugh at his jokes,
to see him laugh at mine.
Big enough.
Then my big brother walks
over to my little corner, lifts
me on his shoulders, places the ball
between my two hands, too small.
My big brother and I
walk over to the hoop.
“There it is.
Take the shot.”
Big enough.
Swish, din, pat pat pat, shh.
Little girl
Little girls grow like daisies in spring,
dancing their way with arms reaching out as far as they can go.
Count the sun beams and the smiles that they bring
and you’ll be counting past the grown-up years but still, you will not know.
Somewhere in the process of counting bright smiles and sunny rays,
a little girl may just lose sight, over too-long miles and too-short days,
of the girl that she had been and the daisies she would pick,
‘till the little girl becomes lost in big thoughts and long lists
and the loudest sound heard is tick-tock-tick
and of all the things lost only one thing persists.
She dances her way still, though she stumbles a bit.
Through grown-up mazes, refuses to quit
But her arms strain under the weight of her books
and time drives her faster through a sea of unfamiliar faces.
She searches for friends, finds mostly strange looks
that question her quest as they go, counting paces.
Yes, the flooded crowd flows, a steady stream, trudging
Eyes locked in their place, minds cloudy with judging.
She dances her way still,
fixes a smile on her face, grasps a hope in her heart.
Perhaps some day she will
find her way out of the maze, stand apart.
At last the day’s ended and the little girl sighs
as she makes her way home with an eye to the skies.
Stumbles gently down the hill in the evening,
books closed, thoughts free,
Sees the clouds can’t bar the sun-beams streaming,
lighting mountain, rock, and tree.
So the little girl dancing from class to class
finds freedom in a blade of grass.
Grandpa said
Grandpa said patience
would always bring success,
except when it didn’t, because sometimes it wouldn’t,
and that was the way of things.
But he didn’t say it to me.
He whistled it to the fish in the stream as he sat on the bank,
waiting with patience.
Grandpa said a working man
would always find a way,
except when he didn’t, because sometimes he wouldn’t,
and that was the way of things.
But he didn’t say it to me.
He wore it in the palms of his hands as he did what he could,
a working man.
Grandpa said a man’s heart
would always lead him straight,
except when it didn’t, because sometimes it wouldn’t,
and that was the way of things.
But he didn’t say it to me.
He whispered the secret into Grandma’s ear, and took her hand in his,
a man’s heart.
Grandpa said life
would always be an adventure,
even when it wasn’t, because sometimes we can’t tell
that this is the way of things.
But he didn’t say it to me.
He showed it in stories, the life that he led,
his life that now discovers a new adventure.
He didn’t say it to me,
But I heard it, just the same.
Grandpa said patience,
a working man,
a man’s heart,
life is an adventure.
Learning to Love
My rocking horse sways
under shy infant fingers
until sure working hands
hold it, firm, standing still.
Another hand steadies me;
I lean back.
Hands lead to faces,
and faces to smiles
and hearts that glow with love
stronger than life.
I am drawn to the light of it,
my face to those faces
and breath escapes loudly
when my body follows –
much faster.
Another hand catches me;
I reach for it.
The hand that guided the wood
and shaped the small seat,
that smoothed the rough patches,
gave life to the horse,
and love.
It holds me, and I hold it.
My fingers close about that
hand. Five of mine and one of
his. He holds me
And I hold him.
My rocking horse sways
as I'm learning to love.
Waiting
Wide carpet, tall walls, spans of large tiles.
Motor walkways, ropes to keep people in line.
Rows of televisions, scrolling screens.
Signs that lead to more signs.
It is a world between worlds.
Crisp uniforms and hair tied back, neat.
Clear voices speak in controlled tones, a low buzz behind,
the Tower of Babble.
Cool air that is the air of everywhere
And nowhere, here in the
in-between
place
where people are
Waiting
waiting for friends and loved ones,
for co-workers and peers,
for home, for adventure, for success,
waiting.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Family Outing: Independence Day
... I love my friends, but that's a another post for another time.
This is the story of my Independence Day weekend with family - no, not my family ... rather, my sister-in-law's family (well, my brother and his family were there, but you get the picture). First, I must explain that they are all wonderful people and that no one in any way made me feel uncomfortable, but ... In order to understand the complete awkwardness of my experience, you must understand that I feel awkward at my own family reunions. Add to that the extended family of in-laws, and you get Debra hovering around her brother and standing on the outskirts of conversations for an entire weekend. Sounds fun, right? It was especially fun to play very competitive dodgeball for hours, because if there's one thing I'm good at, it's dodging flying objects. Oddly enough, the least awkward time of the weekend was the wedding reception on Monday night. I think it was because Mark wasn't as busy with other things, so we were able to talk a lot more, and he pulled me into more conversations, etc... Funny story: one of these conversations resulted in a date, but that, too, is another post for another time. Also, I've been supplanted as the cool Aunt, which makes me very sad. My niece and nephews would much rather play with their cousins or other aunts and uncles ... *sigh.* However, I realized in that extremely awkward setting that family is an amazing and very vital thing, and that my family is exceptional in every way. My brother and I may not agree on everything, but he's always watching out for me.
... and there you have it, a cheesey and sentimental ending to an awkward post about an awkward weekend.
Until next time, folks!
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Greetings
Well, not very interesting yet, folks, but hold on to your hats, because there will be more! Oh, yes, there will be more!
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Dear Reader
Karina