Sunday, March 28, 2010

"[F]riendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life ... thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sun."

-- Thomas Jefferson

"I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better."
-- Plutarch

Sometimes we get so caught up in the Good Times of a friendship that we forget our friends are human, and therefore susceptible to human faults. We ignore these little flaws until something happens -- an act of neglect, an injury, a disagreement. And then the flood gates are opened: every little fallibility grows by exponential proportions until the whole is too great for any mortal to bear without guilt. Disapproval turns to personal injury, which turns to resentment and progresses to the ultimate depravity of human relationship: apathy.

How sad that we can throw away such a precious gift so easily! Friendship is a kind of love that should be and can be so much stronger than that if we remember that we are all learning and growing on this earth. I would hate to be judged by my little mistakes and misunderstandings. Friends are there to help us grow, to love us the way we are while pushing us to be better. In the words of Mr. Knightly, "the truest friend does not doubt but hope."

Someone told me just the other day that when a friendship reaches a certain point, you don't have to see your friend's face or hear her voice to know who she is, to know that she loves you. Now, I'm still only twenty-one years old -- my parents have been married far longer than I've been alive -- but even I know that feeling. Do I know everything about my friends? Certainly not! I do know a lot about their personalities, beliefs, standards, behaviors, and yes, even some of their flaws. Sometimes I can predict down to the word how they will respond in a given situation. But I don't know how they developed those things; I don't know half of their potential for becoming even more amazing than they are. What I'm realizing now is that no matter what else I do or do not know, no matter what little mistakes we make in our friendships, I know that I don't have to see their faces, or hear their voices to see, hear, and feel their love. I hope that they feel the same.

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