Feverish Thoughts Brought on by Sickness, Medication, and a Chick-Flick: Nothing to do with Kubla Khan

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with my life. There are times when I want nothing more than to drop everything and leave to visit some far-away, romantic place where I can find myself. Which is a ridiculous notion, altogether, come to think of it. I'm right here. No need to go gallumphing half-way around the world looking for myself. Although, the trip would be nice.

Other times, I think of finding a job at a bookstore or something, an average job with an average wage and an average work load, saving my money for the wild adventures conjured up in my free time, which free time I would spend reading and writing and drawing and doing all of those things that I'm always wanting to do and never having the time for.

And then, still, there is the idea of graduate school, doing research and defending theses and busting my rear end just so that I can turn around and start again from the other side of the room, standing by the whiteboard. It doesn't sound so glamorous that way, does it? Sometimes I feel like grad school is the real cop-out, like I'm so afraid of facing the real world that I've constructed this idea in my head that I need to stay in school forever, like I belong here. But what if I don't? What if closeting myself in a study to do research and grade papers is all it amounts to? I know this is all quite melodramatic, and I know that teaching is more than what I've painted it to be here, but that nagging question continues to echo in my head: What if?

What if my life doesn't end up like Meg Ryan's character in "You've Got Mail," or any number of female leads in any number of chick-flicks? Yes, I know it's sentimental and ridiculous. Yes, I know that it's girlish and pathetic to want someone like a young Tom Hanks to show up at my door with a hand-full of daisies, tucking me in and wanting to be my friend. But I still want it.

Anyway, you've had enough of my rambling, I'm sure. So, good night! And perhaps next time I write, I will be a bit more lucid and a bit less dramatic.

Dancing Queen, Young and Sweet, Just Turned Seventeen!

In a not-so-different time, in a not-so-distant land, there lives a beautiful young girl named Malia. Malia is the sweetest, brightest, and most precious Daughter of God I know -- and believe me, I do know. She's my sister's oldest, and she just celebrated her seventeenth birthday (... Seventeen! I feel absolutely decrepit!) here in Utah on Sunday. When she first arrived on Friday, I met her and Nicola (my sister) in the Bookstore on campus and introduced them to the cuisine of Provo: a little whole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant that will forever be known to me as "The Carrot Place." (Another story, another time).

Afterward, we snuck into a physical science class full of Freshman (not too much older than Malia) and witnessed a humorous lecture on the different states of matter (most of which Malia was already familiar with - she's a science whiz) before going to my Literary Theory and Criticism class (not quite as much fun for Malia, but she survived it without the tiniest scratch. She didn't even doze off at all!).

Sadly, I wasn't able to spend much more time with her or Nicola. I didn't even get to introduce them to my roommates, who were very excited to meet Malia (and who wouldn't be?). But! I did get to meet them in Salt Lake on Malia's birthday to watch the Sunday afternoon session of General Conference with them and my brother-in-law (Erick) and nephew (Bryce), which was AMAZING! It was so hard to say goodbye that afternoon! I grew up with Malia and Bryce, babysitting them, teasing them, playing with them, loving them. They are both so smart and talented, and they both have amazing personalities and strengths. Malia is truly the sweetest and best seventeen-year-old I know! I love her so much! It's so hard and yet so amazing to watch her grow up and become the young woman that she is. I hope she knows how truly wonderful she is and how much she can do. She is a force for good, a quiet and beautiful strength to everyone she meets. I hope she knows how much she is loved and admired by her family and friends.

Happy Birthday, Malia!

Introducing ... My brother's kids

Kaleb McKay

He's the oldest - 10 years old already, and still growing. He reminds me a lot of myself growing up: quiet and sensitive with a wild imagination that takes him anywhere and everywhere. He's a big fan of Percy Jackson and loves to learn about Greek mythology. He already knows a whole lot more than I do about it - it's all Greek to me! (I do apologize, but I simply couldn't resist - it's just so punny!). Kaleb also loves computer games, comics, legos, bologna, and, of course, his Auntie Debra, among other things. Recently, he's taken up karate, drawing, writing, photography, and directing, and aspires to be a stand-up comedian. When he's not distracted by his many ambitions, hobbies, and creations, he's also extremely helpful - the perfect little gentleman. I had a friend come in to introduce himself to the family before taking me to dinner a few weeks ago (No, I will not be blogging about it, and yes, you can safely assume that it was an awkward experience.). My brother, of course, stood up to shake my friend's hand. Kaleb was only two seconds behind him, holding his own hand and introducing himself. I wanted to scream with laughter and give him a big hug, but I figured it would probably be inappropriate, so I restrained myself. Bless his little heart, I love him!

Colin Joshua

The second in line. 8 years old. Colin is just about the opposite of Kaleb in so many ways. Fearless and extremely outgoing, Colin has friends wherever he goes. He loves all animals, but especially horses, and is determined to be a veterinarian when he grows up. Of course, it almost goes without saying that he loves to be outside. He's quite the dare-devil with a bicycle, and a gymnast to boot. It's incredible to watch him. But Colin has a softer side, as well. I remember a few years back, going through K-mart with Colin when he was just three or four; he found a pink stroller with hearts printed all over it and liked it so well, he held on to it, strolling around the store until my sister decided to buy it for him ... that didn't go over so well with my brother. Of course, he probably wouldn't make the same selection now. But he does do a wonderful job playing with his little sister, Abbey.

Chase Albert

Triple threat. 6 years old. Another boy, another completely unique personality. Chase is the athlete of the family. That's not to say the others aren't athletic; they're all smart, talented, and active kids. But Chase is the competitor. He does not like to lose, at all. He likes to be in control, and have everything in order, his way. True to form, he also loves cars, action heroes, spies, and anything "cool". I don't actually know what he wants to be when he grows up. That's something I'll have to ask him. Perhaps a fireman, or a superhero. It's so fun to watch his reactions to everything - he's just so animated. His little eyes light up and his eyebrows climb up - it's just adorable! Tonight, we watched The Spy Next Door, and throughout the entire movie, there was Chase sitting on his basketball bean-bag and just laughing away. I loved it! Definitely better than the movie!

Abigail Katherine

Affectionately called, Abbey Kate. Also known as Abbey, Abba-Dab, Sister, and of course, Princess. 4 years old, and going on 30. Someone asked me the other day whether I thought Abbey would turn out to be more of a princess or a tom-boy, being the only girl in a house full of boys. The truth is, she's already a little of both. To paraphrase my friend, she's the princess who can and will beat you up if you step out of line. She is definitely the boss, no question about it. Abbey loves dolls, dress-up, polly-pockets, tickle-tag, painted nails, pickles, and anything purple, pink, or shiny. Her collection of household toys includes a kitchen, complete with plastic food items, silverware, and dishes; a shopping cart; a high-chair; a vacuum; and of course, an ironing board (donated by her aunt for her 4th birthday). I nearly died of pure joy when she set her ironing board up next to mine the other week to iron with me. While she can be quite the little Madame at times (She could give a thirteen-year-old on her period a run for her money!), she's also incredibly sweet. Tonight, as we were watching the movie, she quietly went up to her mother and asked if it was time to turn the movie off and read scriptures. And when the movie was over she announced that she was ready for bed and reminded the boys that they needed to brush their teeth. What can I say? I love being an aunt!

To Be Announced

Yes. There is a fifth little Cox soon to be running around, but unfortunately we don't have a name for him yet. Yup. Another boy. Abbey was a little disappointed at first, but she's very excited for her baby to come. The official due date is the 21st of this month, the inducement is scheduled for the 19th, and we're all expecting a trip to the hospital any day now. It's very exciting. I can't wait to see what his personality will be like. It's just fascinating to watch them grow into themselves.

Adventure in the Great Wide Somewhere ... A Summer in Yakima

I write to you, dear reader, from my own little corner of the world - at least for the summer - in Yakima, Washington. I'm sure you're wondering how I find the time to blog amid such grand adventure. I would say it took great diligence. But I would be lying through my teeth (a curious expression, don't you think? How do you lie, or even tell the truth, for that matter, without it going through your teeth? But I digress.). As you're obviously eager to know what it is that I'm doing here in Yakima, I will tell you.

I spend about five to seven hours of each day checking math and entering data for a fruit company, and another hour or so waiting for the numbers to find their way to my desk so that I can continue checking math and entering data. Sounds fascinating, doesn't it? That's what I thought. But it pays well, and it's a job, which is better than nothing.

You'll be relieved to know that the rest of my time is put to much better use. I'm staying with my big brother and his family. I've even started excercising each morning - if necessary, you have my permission to seek medical assistance for the shock. And, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm actually starting to enjoy it. It isn't exactly fun, but I just feel good after I've gone for a run ("run" being a very loose term).

Today, I went with my sister-in-law to watch my nephews play tennis. They're taking lessons at a friend's home, which friend also has a pool and allows them to swim in between classes. I watched the younger two at tennis for a few minutes, then had a nice relaxing time at the pool with little Abigail, my niece. After drying off to watch Kaleb, the oldest, I returned to a not-so-relaxing game of "get-Debra-with-whatever-water-toy-is-closest-to-you," headed by Colin, the second oldest. I had a blast! It was the first time I felt like I had really been able to have fun with the kids since I got here.

I think I've done a fair job of rambling on, so once again, my friend, I bid you adieu until another blogging day.

Ryan Mayer's Running Shoes

I have a friend named Ryan Mayer. He has running shoes. He got them from his mother, and never really did much running before he got them. But every once in a while, now, he does go running in his running shoes, because he has them.

I have a friend named Debra Cox. She has a blog. Her friend set it up for her; she never really blogged before she had one. But every once in a while, now, she does write on her blog, because she has it.

Thank you.

"[F]riendship is precious, not only in the shade, but in the sunshine of life ... thanks to a benevolent arrangement the greater part of life is sun."

-- Thomas Jefferson

"I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better."
-- Plutarch

Sometimes we get so caught up in the Good Times of a friendship that we forget our friends are human, and therefore susceptible to human faults. We ignore these little flaws until something happens -- an act of neglect, an injury, a disagreement. And then the flood gates are opened: every little fallibility grows by exponential proportions until the whole is too great for any mortal to bear without guilt. Disapproval turns to personal injury, which turns to resentment and progresses to the ultimate depravity of human relationship: apathy.

How sad that we can throw away such a precious gift so easily! Friendship is a kind of love that should be and can be so much stronger than that if we remember that we are all learning and growing on this earth. I would hate to be judged by my little mistakes and misunderstandings. Friends are there to help us grow, to love us the way we are while pushing us to be better. In the words of Mr. Knightly, "the truest friend does not doubt but hope."

Someone told me just the other day that when a friendship reaches a certain point, you don't have to see your friend's face or hear her voice to know who she is, to know that she loves you. Now, I'm still only twenty-one years old -- my parents have been married far longer than I've been alive -- but even I know that feeling. Do I know everything about my friends? Certainly not! I do know a lot about their personalities, beliefs, standards, behaviors, and yes, even some of their flaws. Sometimes I can predict down to the word how they will respond in a given situation. But I don't know how they developed those things; I don't know half of their potential for becoming even more amazing than they are. What I'm realizing now is that no matter what else I do or do not know, no matter what little mistakes we make in our friendships, I know that I don't have to see their faces, or hear their voices to see, hear, and feel their love. I hope that they feel the same.